There is utmost value in communicating that we don't merely want to rebuke them; correction is an extension of our love and care for them.
Ultimately,
in loving others, we are also earning the right to speak truth into their lives
1. Do not correct your spouse in public. It makes him or her feel
embarrassed
2. Do not shout at your spouse when correcting
3. Do not use words like "You never...", "You
always...". Doing so is an unfair exaggeration. Say "I don't think it
was proper what you did yesterday"
4. Do not correct your spouse as if he/she is a child saying
"Please act your age", "Grow up", "You're so
childish". This doesn't show respect
5. Do not correct your spouse about something serious when you two
don't have ample time to talk about it. Do it in a relaxed atmosphere
6. Do not correct your spouse in front of your children. It shows
disrespect
7. Don't compare your spouse with others saying "Why can't
you be like other women/men?", "Why can't you be like so and
so?". It undermines your spouse and kills self confidence
8. Don't bring up your spouse's mistakes of the past. It only
compounds issues
9. Praise your spouse more than you give criticism
10. As you correct your spouse, don't let your spouse doubt your
love. You can do this by saying "You know I love you. Sweetheart, I noticed
that...."
11. Do not let your feelings get the best of you and say
irrational things
12. Expect a push back from your spouse or a justification, most
adults don't take correction lightly but if you remain gentle, eventually your
spouse will be receptive
13. Once you've corrected your spouse, don't police him/her, this
will only demoralize your spouse's efforts
14. Appreciate your spouse's growth
15 Remember that the purpose of correcting your spouse is not to
prove you're right but to inspire your spouse to be better. When you focus on
proving you are right, you might win the argument but lose your marriage or
make things difficult between you two
(c) Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech
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